ezekielbones

I have this fire in my heart that is glowing brighter and brighter even as I can see disaster before me.

I can't explain this great peace, this great healing, that has settled on me except as a miracle and a gift.

I am experiencing a really intense new connection without the consequent pain that usually comes with desire so quick and sharp and true. I am truly in awe to find myself largely cured of difficult attachment feelings, at least for now - everything feels really easy.

I sometimes joke that maybe I got just the right amount of brain damage from covid, but it does seem to be correlated in some strange way with my fatigue. Like I've run out of spoons or just accepted my fragility or in that dire time last year where I let go of all my dreams I also consequently ran out of fucks. I don't know.

It's not that I don't have my difficult moments and days, I do. And my fatigue is still frustrating and limiting.

But this attraction I'm feeling - paired with a physical side that is everything I've ever dreamed for responsiveness in my own body, is beyond intense. The fact that I'm not experiencing destructive longing that transforms into anxiety and neediness in response to it... is fucking awesome.

I feel so much surety and safeness and confidence regardless of circumstances around me. As if I've finally unlocked my inner mountain, and am sitting beside a clear, still pool that reflects the world as it is - I'm still and seeing. I'm safe and breathing.