ezekielbones

The last few months have revealed a kind of social weakness that I was not quite ready to confront. it's been hard realizing that I don't really have much of anyone I can depend on for almost anything. it's bleak. removing myself from bluesky has only further revealed this to me. I have things I want to tell people - tell someone - tell anyone! and it's forced a realization in me - that I just don't even have people who I can count on to be interested in my life.

I narrate this with some amount of sadness, while also feeling mostly safe and steadfast. It really hurt to be getting evicted and not really find many people there for me. It set me back a lot financially, emotionally and physically to do so much with so little support.

but I managed. just like I am managing right now, despite everything, to slowly but surely make my life more cozy and financially sustainable. But it still hurts when I can't find a ride to a fundraiser even when asking people invested in the outcome of the thing. It sucks that I don't really have anyone to tell about my new lovers, new experiences, new feelings of safety and self sufficiency. But it is revealing to me what I need to focus on, and who I need to invest in.